Food for thought

I’d give yourself an extra half hour when going to the grocery store in future, if I were you.

Not because of the slippery roads, nor the upcoming summertime tourist trade. No, you’ll spot the culprit holding up the check-out line. They’ll fidget and fuss, ruddy faced and blowing slightly as hubby stacks groceries on the conveyor while the wife frantically tries to make sure that every item they load has its corresponding coupon. Yep, I’d give yourself a while longer at the grocery store because of the coupon-crazy-couple!

The trouble is you can’t blame them. The price of food is rising faster than the water level in my backyard from all this snow melt. Cutting out the coupons will soon be de rigueur as we all feel the pinch.

I forecast a corresponding run on scissors soon, so get your pair quick before they put the price up on them!

But seriously, I’m not talking luxury food items. I’m not down at Foodland hassling the deli counter for foie gras, nor salivating over their lobster tank (lobsters that are very reasonably priced, I must add). No, it’s the bread, milk, butter, cheese and veggies that are costing more.

And, still aghast from my recent trip to the veggy aisle: Celery now costs more than that king of vegetables, asparagus. What? Celery’s nothing more than water in a stick! Turnips are almost as expensive as pork. Funny that, seeing as how the only thing they’re good for is feeding pigs. And leeks! $3.99 for two, come on. Since when have they been gastronomic gold? There’s more leaf than bulb and by the time you’ve cooked them you may as well have used onions anyway.

It’ll soon be cheaper to go eat at Tim’s every mealtime. Oh, but hold on. Mr Horton has recently announced that he’ll be putting up the price of our favourite brew because the cost of coffee has escalated. Forget rolling up the rim, it’s more of a suck it up and fork out more! 

Someone has to be to blame. The Harper Government, I say. Note I use the Conservatives’ preferred method of referring to the Government of Canada. I figure if they want us to use it, we do, especially when they make a mess of stuff.

Trouble is, other than promoting rampant capitalism, Messrs Harper and Co’s only real mistake is supporting the Peoples’ Revolutions now sweeping oil rich countries in the Middle East. So, what say we stamp out the uprisings, bring back the dictators, round up the oppressed masses and squeeze really hard until oil comes out again? Hmm, great for the price of a loaf of bread, not so for democracy: nor the life of the average Libyan.

You see, oil is the culprit. Even when economists spout on about the escalating cost of wheat and other commodities, it’s always the oil required to process and transport them that’s the real killer. Even taking into account the tribulations of Gaddafi and Mubarak, though, the reality is that oil is running out. We need alternative energy sources to bring down the levitating lettuce prices and the wallet busting cost of waffles.

Aha, so Stephen and his chums are to blame, at least in part.

With or without government help, what we have to do is change the way that we source our food. Extravagances such as flying lettuce from California, apples from Egypt, Lamb from New Zealand, will have to stop. What once seemed the easiest option is now costing us as a nation. We need to grow our own. Roll up our sleeves and get down and dirty in the veggy patch.

Now, I know we can’t grow bread and milk on trees. I know we can’t cultivate cans of tuna or meatballs. But we can grow some of our own food, locally. And, if the Harper Government gets its head out of its backside, ceases these futile attempts at rebranding and does some real work… Well, it might just help instigate another revolution: one where Canadians help themselves by helping each other and becoming a little less reliant on imported goods from far away places.

“Sustainable Canada: 20% off the price of life”. I’d clip that coupon any day!